Water memory

On more than one occasion I had a plastic bottle (which I had bought originally containing bottled water) that I was refilling at a water fountain, when a passer-by informed me, “You shouldn’t be doing that. When you refill a plastic bottle, the plastic releases evil chemicals into the water.”

Knowing the universal truths of “natural = good” and “man-made = bad”, I was of course quite concerned about this. These evil chemicals were almost certainly man-made.

I queried my informants as to whether I should be concerned about evil chemicals having leaked into the water that had already been in the bottle when I bought it. They said no, it was only when the bottle was refilled that one should be concerned.

Only one explanation could be consistent with what I was being told. This technologically advanced bottle must be specially designed to bond with the original water that it contains. When you refill it, the bottle must access its water memory and do a comparison. If it finds a mismatch, it says to itself, “Hey! This water is not the original water that I contained!” And that’s when it releases the evil chemicals.

Maybe this special programming is an anti-piracy safeguard. The water manufacturers probably lose huge amounts of money due to water piracy, and this allows them to keep their prices low, passing the savings onto us, their loyal non-pirate consumers.

From all the talk about PET and BPA and whatnot there still doesn’t seem to be a clear consensus about this stuff. I’m so glad these random experts were around to properly advise me.